Parenting

You might have noticed in my post from yesterday that I mentioned something about the Peach pit raising me. She mentioned to me the other day, it might have been after I had to do push ups, it might have been after she told me I couldn't have candy before my meal, it might have been after she told me I needed to dress different for mass,  who knows but she said, "If I knew it was going to be this hard to raise a parent, I would have never done it."

Amen, little house elf.

Some of my proud 2012 moments

#1 Getting my professional doctor type lab coat - its really sweet!

#2 Trying to be social. I am interminable introvert but now I am an official "twit" although I still struggle to be social. @MRTherapyDr in case you're interested

#3 I saw Jeff Dunham perform live. He's hysterical but I have to admit I was shocked at how many parents brought their kids - are you people insane???? Yes. There should NOT have been kids in the audience because while he is funny, the language and sexual themes are way too explicit for kids. I have no problem explaining things to my kids any topic, but protecting their innocence is something that should be important to people. Sadly I think the only people who are interested in children's innocence are pedophiles.

Now this is not my proudest moment but I have let the kids watch part of his shows. I edit them or breeze through scenes I don't think they should see. They then repeat his performances, bleeping themselves as they go. My son actually rolls his tongue when he gets to words the dummies say that they know are not to be repeated.

#4 I have colorful language around the house, especially during football season. While we were visiting a museum, I let something slip that I shouldn't have. The peach tells me (in the crowded entry way), "Mama! 5 push ups! Right there in the corner!"

With the whole museum watching, she outs me! Dang it!

Are you noticing a pattern? My proudest moments tend to follow low moments.

#5 Well this one is no exception. My kids who while serving mass, were blabbing to the other servers during communion. Now this blabbing involved explaining the "First Noel" parody "No L" or "No Well" or "No Whale". I was less than impressed with their behavior so why is it my proudest moment? Well I explained to them (after mass) that their behavior was inappropriate for mass and that they needed to apologize. So they sat down and apologized....to God, which is what I hoped for.

What are some of your proudest 2012 moments?

Hold the cake!

The Peach pit, announced "Bring on the CAKE!" My skinny jeans finally fit!

The Peach pit is a pixie stick and tiny. She should be in size 10-12's but she wears kids 8 skinny jeans and they still fall off her butt. She was so excited when her size 8 slims finally seemed to fit her that she called for a round of cake.

Later on when I told her to pull up her jeans, cause we all need to say no to crack, she says "Hold the cake!"

Oh, come Emmanuel and get your butt here before my house goes up in flames!

My travel schedule has been a bit insane. I have to admit I checked out here for a while because the best I could do was to just keep afloat. Somehow we've managed to enter into Advent, the most super ridiculously shortest period to wait. Seriously, society doesn't wait for anything. Christmas sales started before Thanksgiving, but for us, we've pulled out the advent wreath. To be perfectly honest, I totally forgot about it.

Monkeyboy. Yes monkeyboy pulled out the advent wreath on the vigil of advent - so the Saturday before the first Sunday in advent (this past Saturday). He was so excited to get the wreath out and set up the candles. Why? So we could sing after meals? Nope but he puts up with the singing, well to be honest we don't really sing, the priest friend is the only one in our house who has a decent voice, the rest of us are aca-crappy, bari-crooners, sopranoscreechy, you get the idea. Monkeyboy got all excited so that he and sister could fight, push, budge their way towards the candle to blow it out after the 'singing'. Oh come oh come Emanuel - No seroiusly, come on and get here because those two are a fire hazard waiting to happen. My consolation is that they'd be able to spit the fire out if and when they knock the candle to the ground. Goodness knows they spit enough trying to blow out the candle so maybe they'd be able to put it out too. I probably shouldn't worry.

Nipples and Dimples

The peach pit was making verbal notes of ladies swim suits, particularly that many of the two piece variety are barely better than wearing your underwear in public.

Well not thermal underwear, but you get the picture. 

For the record, we have not had any sit down discussions about what garments are and are not appropriate to wear, except for church and mass going attire:

-no flips

- no cutoff shorts

- no shorts (unless it's daily mass)

- no shirts with stains 

- no clothes with holes (This one was established because Monkeyboy tried to get the priest to bless the hole in his sock. This was when he was 10 not when he was oh 6 and it would be understandable. A proud IP moment indeed.)

- no tank tops

But I digress, so back to the Peach and swimwear: She said, "Some of those swimsuits women wear are so tiny! Mom, they barely cover up their (hands gesticulating to her chest) dimples."

Happy Anniversary

We had a bit of an accident yesterday. We were suppose to go biking. This was how we were going to celebrate our 17th anniversary, that and dinner. Nothing really turned out how I thought it would. I suppose you could say that's a commentary on my life, marriage and family.

One of the buckles securing the bike rack had a major fail and the bikes came tumbling, sliding off the roof, down the back window, crashing glass all over my precious monkeyboy and Peach pit. He sat motionless taking in the situation. She went into full crisis mode complete with shaking, crying and associated hysterics. Papa pulled over as instructed (because my crisis mode is to go by the book, assess the situation, get everyone out of danger and call emergency). The police arrived, stopped traffic and moved the bikes off of the freeway.

Miracle #1 No one was injured (Peach had a small cut) and here I mean no one in the falling bike path, moving cars and all

Miracle #2 No other accidents occurred

Miracle #3 Somehow none of the bikes was damaged and we made it back home with kids, bikes and a renewed sense of gratitude

Perhaps I've mentioned before how I never planned to get married. I didn't think it'd happen and I was ok with that. Trust me when I say that I was not even remotely attracted to my now husband. He wasn't my type but when I went to hug him goodbye at a get together, I just knew. It hit me like the bike rack slamming into the rear window and everything changed.

We were marginal Catholics, and suffering from severe lack of catechesis but nonetheless we married in the church and proceeded to live our birth controlled marital state with a complete carefree attitude. After all we weren't ready for kids. We were "good" people, but the thing is how do  you measure good if you don't have a yardstick? We didn't have a yardstick but we had a notion, an idea, a generally acceptable practical attitude right? Everyone else we knew was on birth control and only freaks did anything else. There was nothing wrong with abortion in my view and so it went until 5 years later we got pregnant with monkeyness and we asked:

"What the hell did we do before we had kids?"

I'm sure we did something. In fact I know we did, but none of it mattered. None of it. It paled in comparison to this little ball of fur with wide eyes looking innocently back at me just like he did when shattered glass rained down all over him. It's that innocence that blows me away. My kids, a decade into their lives, are better catechized than I was when I married. They know why marriage can only ever be between a man and a woman. They know what is good and how it's measured. They know what birth control is and abortion too. They've seen the scared and frightened women walking into abortion offices. No one goes there happy except those who show up to pray for the women, the doctors, the workers. These are amazing people, profoundly saddened for the situation but immensely joyful and peaceful. Only in a Christian can the marriage of those two polar opposites make any sense.   

My life is summed up in our two kids. They are the very best of me, and yet it hasn't turned out at all like I planned and I planned, but I didn't plan for this. I never planned to go from barely Catholic, mostly agnostic totally pro-choice, to fervent in my love for Christ and everything else loving him demands. Living a life in Christ doesn't mean it'll be easy but it does mean when it all comes crashing in all around you, you'll find the courage, strength, peace and grace to make it through. "When" not "if". 

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you."

"When you walk through fire, you will not be burned."

"When", my absolute favorite word in the bible, "when".

Therapy for Papa

We have this little trick we play on Papa after the Peach comes down.. Papa grabs me a cup of coffee, Peach gives me a hug. Just before Papa turns to hand me my coffee I slightly pull down the Peach jammies to expose her lily white butt to Papa who generally looks away and covers his eyes, " Aw, I just got jabbed in the eye with that. Good grief! I'm going to need therapy!"

To which the Peach amused by it all responds laughing heartily, " That never gets old! Just never."

Parenting perks

This cartoon from the PoorMD reminded me that the Peach pit refuses to learn. She absolutely despises learning. It is amazing the lengths of torture she will endure to ensure she does not learn.

Granted when I was studying for my PhD as soon as classes were over, the process would begin whereby I would actively forget what I had just learned. We all do that to a certain extent. However our little Peach exerts heroic virtue in withstanding her assignments to the point of making them torturous. She can spend 5 torturous hours on one spelling assignment and at the end of 5 hrs, we are no closer to seeing completion in sight. 

Be a loser like me!

The Peach pit has been singing this tune so blame her for the post.

Bingo!

The kids were playing a car game. You know the one where they somehow keep themselves occupied by counting something or other. Well, I was completely oblivious to this game. All I understood was they were screeching out BINGO and then saying:

-no that doesn't count, that's not street legal

(What??? I thought to myself. What child says "street legal"??? I ask you)

So just for fun as I sat there I joined in and said, "BINGO" and the exchange went like this:

-"Aww, mom got one. That's 2 for me and 1 for you and one for mama."

So again I said "BINGO". 

-"Aww, mom got another one. That's 2 for me and 1 for you and 2 for mama. Mama and I are tied."

So again I said "BINGO". 

-"Mom got another one! That's 2 for me and 1 for you and 3 for mama. Mama's winning."

So again I said "BINGO". 

-"No way! That's 2 for me and 1 for you and 4 for mama."

So again I said "BINGO" and this time Peach says, "Oh, I see it too, BINGO."

To which I started just laughing because I didn't have a clue what they were counting. Of course Papa knew so he was laughing too. So then Monkeyboy catches me at it and says "Mama! You don't even know what we're counting. You didn't even see a yellow car, did you?"

"No, I didn't" to which Peach protested, "No, I saw it too that time."

No, honey you really didn't!

Awww

Have I mentioned that I travel a lot as part of my mission? Look what I found in my luggage?

Happy Mother's Day!

I went to bed last night sometime around 11 pm and when I awoke this morning for my hot date at 4:40 monkeyboy and the peach pit were running up the stairs to their beds. It seems they woke up at 2am to place their banner.

Why I need kids

1. I have a lot of dodgy tv shows that I like to watch. Kids make me rethink my need to watch shows that I don't like to let them watch : Burn Notice, Psych, Touch, basically anything but Disney

2. I love to play video games. Kids are a good excuse to go buy games. I caved and bought skylanders. It's AWESOME!

3. I need house elves. House elves are good for finding shoes, sunglasses, cleaning bathrooms, washing dishes, sweeping and I only pay $10/week and THEY think they are getting a deal!

4. They save me money because I learn all sorts of things like how to make duct tape flowers. (Oh, spoiler alert, mom is getting a dozen duct tape flowers for Mother's day.) I saved $80 on flowers.

5. I need to laugh. Last night in the middle of saying my prayers I hear over the Harry Potter audio disc that the kids play at night before they go to bed, Peachy singing her little heart out. No idea what she was belting out but it was super cute.

6. I need reminders that I don't need to take myself so seriously. Monkeyboy and I have been in whoopie cushion challenges. I've been getting him at the most inopportune times so he tried to get me back by putting a whoopie cushion in my bed, except that Papa got it instead.

7. They bring me face to face with God. When I'm cranky or in a foul mood, the first thing the kids pray for is me and that changes my disposition immediately. Just knowing that they reach out to Him in their moment of need for me, well it's humbling.

8. I need to be loved. I need hugs. I need kisses. I think I would soon perish if I didn't get a hug. Seriously, though it's not so much that I need to be loved as I NEED to love. Random people tend not to appreciate my outward displays of affection. My kids don't mind my affection, plus they tend not to call the police when I reach out to hug or kiss them.

9. No amount of charity work or service makes me give as much as giving to a monkey and a peach. 

10. Work sometimes feels like work, you know it can be a chore but most of the time what I do, I really love and it doesn't feel like work. I spend my days and nights arranging stuff for work and I keep asking myself 'when are you going to go to work because you haven't worked yet?'. I do all sorts of work related stuff but it doesn't feel like work. I do what I love. My family is like that. I love being a mom, a wife, a friend because it doesn't feel like work. It feels like home and it wouldn't be home without them in my life.

Extraordinary ordinary moments

You've heard the statement: The more you give, the more you get.

If you've ever volunteered or given from the heart, you know it's a true statement. Everyone knows my inability and my ineptitude of giving of myself because I've spoken ad nauseam how I struggle just to tuck the kids into bed. Why? Let's be honest, I hate prying myself away from anything that I am doing, even if that is sitting and breathing- to give my attention to anyone not me. Selfish - absolutely. Appalling - yep. Shameful - mmmhhmmm. Embarassing - sure is. I confess it in the little box I never sit in to the guy who's so familiar to me he knows my sins before I confess them and for some reason he never gets quite as weary of hearing it as I get of confessing it. Grace I'm sure. He's dealing with me so grace, for sure.

Anyway funny things happen with seemingly perpetual faults that I keep confessing and praying for and keep trying to avoid but fail miserably at. I have to call this a miracle because I had absolutely nothing to do with it.

The kids are going to bed - Are you going to tuck them in? Absolutely! So off I go to do the one thing I don't want to do and I sit with monkeyboy and we pray. We talk. I admire his room. I make him get back out of bed to brush his teeth. He's back in bed. I make him get back out of bed to floss. Then I notice Peach is not in her jammies so I ask her to get in jammies. Get the boy back in bed, we talk. What are you thankful for today buddy? - the usual, family and friends. I bless him and go to talk to the Peach who is still not in jammies. Ok, let's take care of that. Sweetie, did you brush your teeth? - ok off you go. I use the intermission to pick up her room a little. Finish the whole jammie experience and then we talk about her day, what went well, where were the epic fails, what do we want to ask Jesus for most today and such. After this dissertation we do a little prayer, a little kiss and a little hugging. Nothing special but everything extraordinary.

Later, when I asked Jesus where he was that day, I saw he was right there in my arms being kissed, hugged, learning how to pray, learning when to brush. He was in the ordinary and that is precisely what made it extraordinary. I didn't see it at the time. Why do we never notice the miracles when they happen? You see I didn't realize at the time how much joy there was in the  buttoning of the jammies, the folding of the clothes, the intimate time spent together with the kids. I didn't notice the inconvenience to my 'whatever it was that didn't matter that I was doing' beforehand. All I noticed was the joy and peacefulness (yes even in the protestations of teeth brushing) of those extraordinary ordinary moments.

What the hell did we do before we had kids?

That was what I recall asking my husband after we had monkeyboy. I was reminiscing while having dinner with my nephew and his wife. Is appropriate to say niece? Well as young couples they talked about wanting to have time for themselves and as I recall this is what I wanted when I was in their shoes but I distinctly recall asking "What the hell did we used to do before we had monkeyboy?" to my husband sometime after having monkeyboy.

It seems to me and husband agreed, that whatever it was that we did, it was a complete waste of time. I don't feel like my life really started until after we had kids. We were a couple but we weren't a family until we had the newborn. There are so many things you just never do when you live for yourself. I guess I really didn't know happiness until I held this furry little guy in my arms (he was called monkeyboy back then because he was a hairy little creature)

Before we had kids:

- We chased happiness. I don't know that we ever found it. We had lots of stuff and took nice vacations though.

- We had quiet dinners. I don't really remember any of them. I do however remember every dinner date night I've had with my kids. We do date night once a week. We do something special with just me and each of them. Peach and I have gotten Chinese take out twice. Monkeyboy and I went to the pub. Those dinner dates are precious and I treasure them.

- We went on vacations. London, Dublin, Quebec, Cozumel, Seattle, Florida, Texas, the Boundary Waters, New York, North Dakota. I had fun at each time but never like it is when we've taken the kids. 

- We'd bath together and don't get me wrong as fun as that was and is, it just doesn't come close to the joy of bathing a child. The kids loved bubble baths. They love bubbles like they are this magical source of entertainment. They laugh. They smile and it's infectious. They say the camera adds 10 pounds, well taking a baby a bath takes off ten years. Then there's the scent of freshly bathed baby. There is nothing like it in the world. It's like opening a can of hope and it refreshes the entire world.

Kids just teach you how to play. How to really play. As adults we think we know how to play. We haven't a clue.

Everyday since having had kids, it's like happiness walked in the door and sat on my lap and begged for my attention. Happiness though walked in preceded by sacrifice. Sometimes that's all we see isn't it? We see the sacrifice and say "No, not for me. That's asking a little too much." I think if we'd see the happiness right behind that honking wall of sacrifice we'd say, 'Yeah so what."

Really!?!?

If you're going to get divorced, seriously folks - why get married? Society views marriage as a convenience, aka the push for gay marriage. But that's not what it is. Marriage is a way of life that is open to life, which by definition, gay marriage can never be because sperm-sperm or egg-egg will never beget life.

Marriage is a vocation requiring discernment. Am I called to be married? Am I called to be single? Am I called to be in a religious vocation? Here's the thing, we don't discern. We give into our desires and never once consider the question, "Am I called to enter into marriage?" or "In what way am I called to give of myself?" It takes discipline to ask that question and as a society we've lost that along with the leisure suit.

I've this ongoing conversation with Monkeyboy and Peachy about their vocations. "You need to pray for your vocation. What gifts have you been given and how are you to share them? You know maybe if you start praying for them now, you'll be ready to respond in the direction you are called."

Facial Friday

The Peach pit is super excited for our date night. I can't remember if it's suppose to be tonight or tomorrow but what I do remember is that the monkeyboy and I went to buy facial stuff after OUR last date night (I took him to the pub for our date night!). So we browsed the facial repertoire of the beauty shop and found, mud.

Yep, mud. Moroccan mud, Algerian mud, Dead Sea mud for exfoliating that dead skin because don't we all need international mud! Monkeyboy noticed, "$30 for MUD!!! I can give her mud from the backyard. Who needs mud to clean skin? You get mad at me every-time I come in the house with muddy shoes."

Yes, it does seem a bit counter-intuitive so I explained, 'Well some girls think this stuff makes them look more beautiful." Ok, see I'm not a frimpy kind of girl so I am at a bit of a loss to try and defend this logic in the first place! To which he responds, "What girls put mud on themselves to make them look more beautiful? And what idiot spends $30 on mud in the first place? And they call us dumb?"

I couldn't agree more buddy so out we walked with chocolate facial stuff because I figured it could double as dessert, which is at least practical.

Oh and lest I forget, the monkeyboy explained this silly mud selling business to the Peach and that we found mud for $30!!! Her response to him was, "Uh (eyebrow's raised and hands on her hips) of course!!!" Then she shook her head and extended her hands like she was talking to a toddler, " It's SPECIAL mud!"

Happy hair day

Yesterday the Peach pit and I went for a haircut, well a trim. We are both letting our hair grow out for Locks for Love which provides hairpieces to kids with cancer. Peachy was extremely excited to be going to a salon to get her hair trimmed. She's nine. I think when I was nine, I dreaded going anywhere near someone threatening to take scissors to my hair unless I was the one with the scissors. I'm weird that way but Peachy embodies so many distinctly beautiful feminine traits. Pride in her personal appearance is one of those things.

As the stylist finishes trimming the girls silky straight locks she asks her what she thinks. Peachy responds, "I like it, and I was wondering do you have any advice how to keep tangles out of my hair?"

Seriously at her age, my hair was a rat's nest. Really it was. Think thick, dry,  curly, did I mention thick hair. Oh it was a mess. Not once did I ever consider how to keep tangles out but I did consider how to take apart electronics and thermal coolers to see how they functioned... and did.

Good Morning Beautiful!

Every morning I say that to the Peach pit and every morning she responds, 'Good morning more beautiful'. The first few times I was incredulous, ' Seriously sweetie, have you seen me?'.
She was less than impressed and also a bit furious with my retort. Her response was 'God made you beautiful. He made you perfect. The way you are is the way He wants you to be! And YES you ARE more beautiful.'

Nine year old little twerp beat me to the gospel.

Amen, daughter of mine.

Peach pit arithmetics

Peachy got a 74 on her first math quiz which is pretty good for her. She got an 84 on her second math quiz which is just outstanding for her, and on her math test she got a 45 which is normal for her.