Guardian angels give ordinary directions too!

I was on my way back from mass in Helsinki back to my hotel (which is not in Helsinki but in a nearby town accessible by buses) in the freezing cold winter here and when I arrived to my transfer bus stop (on the highway in the darkness of 8pm Finland) was when I noticed that my bus was not due to arrive for another 1.5 hrs. This was the point where I complained to God and my guardian angels saying 'I have just done a good thing here, can't you help me out to get back to my hotel?'. It wasn't an easy thing to get to mass in the first place! It was terribly inconvenient, but I did it and I thought I did this for God! See how good I am, help me out here.

Then it got real. Nope I didn't do it for God. I did it for me because I need mass. God doesn't need mass. He's perfect. He doesn't need my prayers. He doesn't need me to worship him. I do. I need to be surrounded by other sinners just like me who are reaching for him. I need to see their faith. I need to reach out to him in prayer. I need prayer, I need His presence more than I need air. So if I examine it completely, I need Him way more than he needs my measly prayers.

One thing I love about going to international english masses is that it feels very apostolic. It was crowded with people from all over, people who are trying their best, people who don't really know 'is this for real?' and people who have a full realization that there is only one God, and he became man and died for me and this same God invites me, who nailed him to the cross with my sins to eat at his table. This is a God of generosity, a God of love and a God who loves me, crankiness and all so my response should be joy! That's it! Joy for me this lenten season. How's that for lent?

So to finish my frozen story. There I was at the bus stop with my frozen apendages thinking a taxi sure would be good right about now. So I turned around, walked back into town, hoping to find a hotel. Instead I found a gas station and no sooner do I see the gas station then I see a taxi for hire pull in.

Thanks for the taxi guys! It didn't need to be a Mercedes but I did get the message. Our God is a generous God. Thanks be to God!

Firewood theives

Someone stole our winter firewood, really?!? Seriously?!?

Father of genetics to be beatified!!!

Anyone see this news article from Zenit on the beatification of the modern father of genetics?

God's little secret agent

When you are in God's service be prepared to travel into unknown territories, into lands where you don't speak the language, where the mission remains always the same but the manner to accomplish the mission is unknown because you find that you are kept in the dark on need to know basis and he ain't revealing anything until you absolutely need to know, where you masquerade working a day job but that's just cover for your real mission, where you find yourself exhausted from traveling and changing situations but you just roll with it.
Just when I was starting to think I was on a business trip to Finland, I am reminded that the reality is I'm ever his operative out in the field and I'm ever so glad to be in his service because honestly there is no better boss in the world to have. He's a bit demanding but he's also a fountain of mercy.

For the Christian there is no room for cynicism

You've probably heard as have I, "Ash Wednesday's coming be prepared for all the people showing up for their Ashes. Why, folks?"

Or

"they come for their free gift of Ashes"

Or

"they think it's a holy day of obligation"

Or

"we won't see them again until it's time for them to receive their palms"

Or whatever other cynical quip we come up with that makes us look like righteous arrogant twerps.

Now I'm not belittling the fact that a lot of people show up for Ashes on ash Wednesday who don't come back until palm Sunday, but with that attitude from Christians, is it any wonder they don't come back? Seriously, when I was a raging heathen not once did I show up because it was a holy day of obligation. I didn't show up on Sundays which were days of obligation. I didn't show up for my "free Ashes", because I wiped them off as soon as I got them. I didn't show up for the cynical Christians. I showed up because I instinctively knew there was something important about gathering in community as sinners seeking repentance. It was a timeless tradition from age to age that my parents, grandparents, and so forth did that kept me tied to something that was bigger than me. I didn't know this something was a someone. I didn't know his tremendous love for me and had it not been for the Christian cynics....

Had I never encountered those cynical Christians perhaps I would been able to put into words the internal longings I instinctively knew existed within me.

Perhaps I would have felt welcomed and returned to the church sooner than I did.

Perhaps I wouldn't have wasted so much time running from and instead run into my Gods loving embrace. So much wasted time!

In any case it occurs to me that perhaps my brothers and sisters who only show up on Ash Wednesday, they just might have a better understanding of just what exactly this whole lenten season is about. They might not be able to put it into words, but they just might know a whole lot more than my cynical brothers and sisters.

So whoever you are, cynic, critic, or sinner, welcome home and enjoy this lenten season! I certainly have high hopes for this lenten season.

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You called and you shouted!

You broke through my deafness - Matt Maher's Alive again which is just infused with St. Augustine's spirituality. It's a beautiful song and the lyrics are taken pretty much from St. Augustine which is kind of funny because when I read St. Augustine sometimes I think 'Oh, he's quoting Matt Maher', um no, no, the other way around silly girl.

Thank you God that you can break through my deafness because indeed late have I loved you.

Do you ever notice how generous God is? Seriously, whenever I am generous, especially when it's a painful and sacrificial type of giving, God pays out in spades whatever it was I gave out of generosity. This is one of the ways he silently shouts to me, encouraging me to be generous with the gifts entrusted to me.

Nun parody of the crazy cat lady

Did you see the you tube monstrosity of the crazy cat lady who shot an online dating video for eHarmony. Debbie the cat lady goes on about who she is, what she likes blah blah blah then starts talking about how much she loves cats. She wants to hug each of them but she can't - oh the tragedy! She starts bawling but gets back on track because what man really wants to date crazy cat lady at this point? That track derails as she weeps over all the homeless kitties that she can't hug. Like I said crazy cat lady,  but then enters the Crescat who made a nun parody video and well, you'll just have to watch.

I can think of a few nuns to send her way, the nuns at CHA, the nuns at the College of St Bens...

Really!?!?

If you're going to get divorced, seriously folks - why get married? Society views marriage as a convenience, aka the push for gay marriage. But that's not what it is. Marriage is a way of life that is open to life, which by definition, gay marriage can never be because sperm-sperm or egg-egg will never beget life.

Marriage is a vocation requiring discernment. Am I called to be married? Am I called to be single? Am I called to be in a religious vocation? Here's the thing, we don't discern. We give into our desires and never once consider the question, "Am I called to enter into marriage?" or "In what way am I called to give of myself?" It takes discipline to ask that question and as a society we've lost that along with the leisure suit.

I've this ongoing conversation with Monkeyboy and Peachy about their vocations. "You need to pray for your vocation. What gifts have you been given and how are you to share them? You know maybe if you start praying for them now, you'll be ready to respond in the direction you are called."

The innocence of a child

In my retreat I've been stuck on my meditation of the testing of Abraham. I haven't really been able to get past it. It's been quite consuming. 

What joy Isaac must have had. Here he was finally going on a field trip to worship God with his dad. He was doing the grown up thing. He was a special and invited guest. How happy he must have been to have some intimate time on a journey with his dad, carrying things for him, eating, sleeping, conversing, sharing time together, and seeing new places probably for the first time. He must have been elated. Abraham, probably not so much.
Isaac doesn't fight his father when it comes down to - he's the sacrificial offering. No. He allows himself to be tied up, trusting his dad. If he's old enough to go on a long journey and carry the wood up the mountain, then he's old enough and strong enough to oppose his elderly father. He doesn't long to be injured, hurt or die but he innocently trusts his father. How do we know that, well scripture goes on to tell us he was quite a mama's boy and his own son goes on to dupe him to secure his blessing. The thing about mama's boys' is that they are no wimps. They can actually be quite masculine, tender, thoughtful  and yet so completely clueless. (Monkeyboy is the quintessential mama's boy.) The point is Isaac allows himself to be duped. He allows himself to be put in the position that he might get hurt; he allows himself to be vulnerable because that is what it means to be a child. A child by their very nature is vulnerable, innocent, trusting until they respond from their woundedness. The most striking thing to me is that Isaac goes on to live a vulnerable, innocent, trusting life even after he was almost mortally wounded.
How often do I allow those wounds in my life to dictate how I will react instead of allowing myself to be vulnerable, innocent, trusting even if it means allowing myself to be wounded anew?

My other thought about this passage is joy. How joyfully Isaac carried the wood for the sacrificial offering! How joyfully Jesus must have carried the wood of the cross. Sometimes we don't allow ourselves to consider that our Lord as brutally mistreated as he was, carried the wood of the cross with unmistakable joy. It's enough to keep me in meditation for quite some time.

Celibacy is not for me

It occurs to me when I think how I relate to God that it's far more important how he relates to me. When I see how he relates to me, it just makes me go 'wow, you do think of just about everything don't you?'.
I get wistful at times that I'm married with kids when I tend to be a lousy mother and an even worse wife. I persistently think I would have made a much better celibate because of the perks that come with celibacy, the ability to make deep lasting relationships, the ability to concentrate or spend time developing thoughts, working, being deeply involved and committed. Then it finally dawned on me that I would have made a quite miserable celibate and not because of sex.

Okay, I'm latin and yes very passionate but once you have God, sex is ...well ... passe. It's good and I love my husband, but I also understand that exercising our marital rights is not the ultimate good, only God is. A heathen would never say such a thing but seriously once you have God, you don't want to go back, ever. God is really that good, better actually! If you haven't fostered a relationship with God, you should give it a try. God will leave you breathless.

The demise of leisure and the leisure suit!

A recent German study concludes that social media is more addictive than alcohol or tobacco.

I was talking to a priest friend of mine last night. We always have such animated discussions, and we were discussing how we as a people, have lost the art of leisure time. We've lost the leisure suit!

Which ok, let's be honest, is a good thing! We are busy, busier than ever and we've lost the art of how to leisure properly. It's all built in nowadays. I build in down-time during my on-time and I say that I'm more efficient, but am I really?

On the one hand is it all that bad? I mean if I'm checking my email for tasks or expecting a post that lifts my spirits or makes me laugh. Is it all that bad? If it's distracting me from my purpose then perhaps I need to rethink my social media habits.

I generally plug into technology and medical social spheres to keep up on the latest trends and catch the news. I'll read some religious blogs and news, especially the ones that make me laugh or that challenge me, 'cause Lord knows I need to keep my spiritual skills and knowledge as honed as my professional skills, but when do I build in dedicated time for leisure? When do I say, "ok, now I'm done with this part of my life or day. Time to recharge and refresh?' When do you?

Candle Mass

It's candle mass day!

When the light of the world enters the world, how is it that I'm cranky? The wind is blowing irritation and we'll be seeing anger with a high of fierce tempers. Oh, the weather pattern of the spiritual life ain't easy. On the upside, I have more blessed candles which is a good thing.