Anger management

I used to get so furious with the kids for doing or not doing what I expected. They know what is expected of them and sometimes they just fail. Instead of getting angry with them, I just get disappointed. Anger can be so superficial but disappointment cuts straight to the heart. When I examine anger fully, I see the true reason for my anger and it's then that I see shades of disappointment.

Both my work and church community verbally emphasize family time. However, I'm finding that I'm disappointed that only my work community puts action to words. I am expected to take time away from work and when I have a family commitment, work waits. It's understood and it's clear. I'm finding that more and more, my failures in church ministry come at least in part as a result of my family. Initially I was angry, up until the point when I examined it further and realized I was disappointed.

Whoa Nellie! Oh Nellie!

How to describe the Rangers Cardinals World Series... ebbs and flows
It was all about ebbs and flows in Game 6.
Nellie's homerun. Nellie's missed catch.
Feliz's wild pitching to come within 1 strikeout away closing.

Settle down boys. It's another game. Just do what you do. Concentrate and play ball.

Who's shoes

Have you ever played Who's shoes? It's when you can tell who's coming down the hall by their gait, the clip-clop of their hooves, or the pitter patter of the soles of their shoes hitting pavement. Just like that characteristic tell-tale give-away that someone's coming down the hall, each of us has a pattern, a way we act and react that gives us away. Sometimes it endears us to our friends. Well God is like that. There are ways He characteristically acts in our lives and sometimes you can tell it's Him if you learn to play who's shoes.

So here what he does with me: I will blog, meditate, converse on a topic and maybe get an insight or idea. The following day, I will be exposed to a teaching, a conversation, re-read my blog or read Scripture that points DIRECTLY to an insight or experience of the previous day. That's when I know it's a God moment. It's a beautiful bouquet He places in my path and then he hides the card to be found later affirming it's from Him. He doesn't always do that, but when I'm particularly confused or I need to be affirmed or convicted that's what He does.

Incidentally, the evil one plays who's shoe's too but here's the kicker: If you learn how to play who's shoe's with him, you can head him off at the pass and learn to anticipate him and his movements and dash towards Mary's loving arms. I let her deal with Him. She doesn't seem to mind because it gives her an opportunity to hug me yet again. Can't get tired of hugs!

All in

There is something to be said about contemplating a crucifix. When I gaze upon the figure of the God-man hanging in what looks like sheer defeat, I see the power of submission. Submitting to God's will doesn't mean I'll be happy, pleased or satisfied but it means I will be fulfilled, content and totally used up. It means I am all in.

I imagine Jesus didn't get up one day and decide, 'Hmmm today would be a good day to be humiliated and die upon a cross'. I expect He didn't feel like going through that, much like some days I don't feel like praying, I don't feel like going to church, I don't feel like doing my work, I don't feel like putting up with my family, boss, stress, or even opening myself up to being humiliated. No I expect he didn't feel like it but quite the opposite, he willed it because he was 'all in'. It's not something you do halfhearted. It's not something that can be done half-heartedly.

Discernment by 2x4

I'm back from retreat! We were discussing what we wanted to tell Jesus last night so I told the Peach pit how I longed for children who would clean my house. She said she longed to be an actress (dramatic hand gestures). Then she announces, 'Well we're both not getting what we want!'

Huh?!?!? Little girl, where did you come up with that! Just when I was starting to think, she's watching a little too much Disney channel, husband announces this morning, "Hmm, I'm pretty sure she got that from me. I use that line when they argue about their school work." 

It's his way of expressing a great philosophical truth. It doesn't matter what you want to do. It matters that you do what you've been called to do. That pretty much sums up my retreat experience. Thank you Jesus for your patience and the 2x4 wooden post you used to slap me. 

The glory of God in a holy man

We went to a prayer service where a man of prayer had been electrocuted when he was younger. Now the most remarkable thing about this man is that he's so unremarkable. You look at him and he's unassuming. He suffers from rheumatoid arthritis yet kneels before our Lord when crossing one side of the Church to the other. You'd think he's fine and not in pain to look at him since he exudes joy but he suffers. RA is horrible disease, but the man has a special gift, a special way God uses him in ministry. He has this ability to pray over people and he'll tell you what saints you need to pray to for whatever you need. Don't believe me if you wish but here's what happened to us:

He gets to Peachy and makes the sign of the cross on her forehead, prays then says:

"You are creative and are good at writing. Pray to St. Francis de Sales. For the math that you don't like to do(Eyebrows raised), pray to St. Albert the Great" 

Peach's jaw about dropped to the floor as she asked how did he know I hate math!

Monkeyboy got there late so he joined in an hour later. Again the same sign of the cross and silent prayer and this holy man of God tells monkeyboy:

"Oh boy, you need to pray to St. Francis de Sales. He'll help you out with your writing and english since you really don't like to do those. You are good in math and the sciences (and something about medical school - mama's heart drops as she says "Nooooooo, not medical school, been there - not MY son!") so you need to pray to St. Albert the Great. He'll assist you.

Medical school aside, the fact that an hour apart they get the exact same saints to pray to for opposite reasons is astounding. It makes life easier at home since we can pray them together. Secondly, he SO pegged them! Before you say he assigns every kid the same saints let me assure you a line of kids was ahead of me and Peachy and they got different saints. He had no idea Peachy and Monkeyboy were related. I wasn't standing anywhere near monkeyboy. A fact I lament because I didn't hear the whole discussion about medical school.

Things to take on retreat

Make sure you're packing heat!
You never know when or where the enemy will strike so make sure to take your rosary beads wherever you go.

Take a notebook
Use it, copiously.

Ignore the enemy who tries to convince you that you don't need to go
It's too much time away from work and family. It's too far. Bills are piling up, have you seen them lately? You're prayer life is fine. You're in a good spot, don't push it. You can pray from here just as easy. He'll make you restless, give you headaches, make you feel sick and super way tired and he'll start a waterboarding session with apathy. Oh how he likes to torture with apathy.

Take some spiritual reading
Probably won't have time for that but take it anyway!

Prayers
You're life should be filled with a tapestry of prayers and prayer lists. Put them in your heart and you'll never have to write them down.

Our Father who art INTERCEPTION!!!

We (and by "we" I mean the monkeyboy and I) were watching the EPSN highlight reel when, praying our communal night prayers with the Peach and Papa (before sending the kids off to bed), I yelled out INTERCEPTION at the WRONG wrong wrong time. Peachy points her chin down and raises her eyes at me, 'Interception? Really mama! Our Father who art interception? You think God likes that???'

Good point Peach, I'm sure God didn't like that interception as much as I didn't. The Cowgirls just couldn't hold on to the football. Did they coat the ball in jelly? The Pat's couldn't keep a grip on it either but sheesh!

For the record, the TV now gets turned off when saying prayers. Somehow I've managed to earn a very bad reputation. ???

Smoking and bladder cancer

The bladder cancer rates for men and women smokers are about the same, 50%, says a study from the NIH.

Do despair

Enjoy this priceless piece from despair.com

My daily med

It doesn't matter so much what we dress like if we don't cloth ourselves in holiness. It doesn't matter so much what we eat if we aren't feeding our souls with the Word of God. It doesn't matter what we do, how we arrange our day if it's not imbued with love for God.

Bless me Father for it's been two weeks since I've leveled up.

Last night the priest tells me that after mass monkeyboy asked him to come over to help him get past Lego Star Wars Clone Wars Count Dooku level 3 because he's stuck. Two things struck me about this. One: The collar doesn't matter to the boy. He sees the priest as a person, an approachable person!!! Two: It occurred to me that this sort of thing is 'normal' in our life. That happened when my priest friend told me, "I told him maybe Tuesday night."

Mass, annointing the sick, baptism, confession, helping your flock get through role playing games... what a slick job!

It's Texas State Fair time: Fried Bubble Gum and the buffalo chicken flapjack

Yep, you heard right, fried bubble gum!

The all - around winner, a buffalo chicken strip dipped in pancake batter coated in jalapeno breadcrumbs and served with syrup is this years' heart attack on a stick winner.

Emotional Intelligence

"is the ability to perceive emotion, integrate emotion to facilitate thought, understand emotions and regulate emotions to promote personal growth."

Emotional expressiveness is key to successful communication, so says an article on the behaviors of  Top CEOs. The higher one's emotional intelligence, the better one is able to cope with negative circumstances and help maintain team dynamics.

I may be finally starting to understand me. This is a key gift I've been given but have never quite understood. I can be an emotionally expressive person but I do not emote everywhere. In fact, I'd say I'm selectively emotionally expressive. I choose moments in which to act even when angry or upset. It's not always prudent to show anger and irritation in public. Sometimes it's just ghetto, so exercise patience when it's necessary to hash things out. When that time rolls around though, I'm all sorts of emotionally expressive. Although, that being said, my emotions can be raw but my language and respect for the other remains intact. I may not like the other in the midst of an argument but I will love them.

Anger notwithstanding, I tend to generate harmony and balance in relationships. It's not easy. It takes persistent effort and heroic patience. None of this I have in abundance so I find that when I'm done with my work life, I need to back off so I can recharge. Now I'll admit, the emotionally expressive person can be a lot of fun. However, I have very little respect or patience for an emotionally expressive person who is disingenuous. The study goes on to confirm that people pick up on a lack of sincerity and you'll lose credibility. So for pity's sake don't be a loser, be genuine.

Inner Beauty

Monkeyboy is on a gymnastic team with a bunch of teenage boys who display countless examples of how not to be a man. They tend to lose focus as hundreds of leotards go swirling past. Husband used their examples to discuss with monkeyboy that the girls aren't just bits and parts but that each of them is a person with feelings, hopes and desires. It is the totality of the person that makes them beautiful, not just what you see on the outside. When you look at a person from this perspective, whether she is externally pretty or not she will radiate beauty in a much greater way. Monkeyboy agreed and said, "Yeah, mama is pretty. I see her beauty shining through every day."

I guess that's why the little guy can't seem to stop kissing me.

Dear Guardian Angel,

You are not funny! I know you are highly amused and given all the trouble I put you through on a routine basis I probably deserve it. Really though, you are not funny and quit laughing. I know you're probably sniggering. Quit it!

Love,

Your sweet little heathen

"Huh", you wonder. Well let me assure you, my guardian angel is NOT funny. Last night I specifically told him, "please get me up on time for my early morning adoration hour". I refused to set my alarm last night. Sometimes I just depend on him. He has yet to let me down when I rely on his angelic alarm clock. So I was surprised when I awoke at 2 am and I let him know that it was way too early. I then drifted back to sleep. When I awoke at 15 after the hour and realized I was 15 minutes late for my adoration hour, I about flipped. Now in reality, I only had about 1 working synapse and was stumbling though the house looking for my prayer book and my beads. I couldn't find my rosary beads. Well I found about 15 sets of beads but none were the ones I was looking for, so when I finally found them I dashed out the door a full 1/2 hour late for my hour. When I arrived at the chapel, the person before me was still there, thankfully. Sometimes adorers fill in and stay a bit longer with Jesus until the next adorer arrives. So I dashed in and apologized profusely to him, explaining how sorry I was that I was so late. He turns to me with this quizzical look and says "Late? You're a full 1/2 hour early."

So I just turned to Jesus, shook my head and smiled. Which is funny because often times that's what he does to me. I'm sure he was amused too. Incidentally, today was the feast day of Guardian angels but not celebrated because it fell on a Sunday and just about no feast day trumps Sunday's, not even the Mother of God. However my guardian angel thought he'd have a little fun on his day. Live it up buddy! I hope you enjoyed it. Ornery little angel!

The body of ....TOUCHDOWN!

Oh the perils of App girl being a Eucharistic Minister! Typically I have no less than 4 ball games that I'm on top of and now that I have an app that gives me live coverage of football, I'm a little scary. College football, the NFL, hockey, Baseball playoffs and being eucharistic minister.. that's a dangerous combination.

We were watching Ohio State's dismal performance against Michigan State and Arkansas comeback to embarass Texas A&M and I think they heard me screaming in Canada. In my defense I get just as animated over Jesus.