I know what the problem is. It's me.
I know what the solution is. It's you. Amen.
God's shoes. I can't hear Him coming. I only recognize Him after He's past but for weeks now I have been drawn to the parable of the Prodigal son, for weeks, and if I really examine it much further I expect it's been longer than that. You recall this parable, the son demands his inheritance and leaves his father only to lose it all. He decides to return to beg his father to let him be a servant so he can have his basic needs met. He had the whole scenario played out in his head how it would go.
The son knew he lost his dignity as son but knew he was still his Father's son. This is why he returned, begging to be a servant. He hoped for mercy to fulfill his needs. He still didn't have a clue who his Father was. He only knew he was his son, commendable for sure. However the Father surprises him with forgiveness. Within this forgiveness, did the son truly accept the Father's generosity and gift? Could he? When he turned from the foreign land and left it, that was the easy part, but the long journey home (to heaven) is a long and arduous path. The parable ends at least for the prodigal when he's forgiven by the Father (I can liken this to the sacrament of reconciliation), but at the same time, the journey is only beginning because to accept, to truly accept the gift of son-ship is difficult. I ask myself how do I respond to thoughts of 'my daughter', 'my beloved'? I preach this stuff to others, but the only reason I think God has me preach it, is because I so desperately need to hear it myself.
Honestly, it fills me with fear. It's a fear that gently beckons, 'be with me'.... and yet it's still fear.
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