All in

There is something to be said about contemplating a crucifix. When I gaze upon the figure of the God-man hanging in what looks like sheer defeat, I see the power of submission. Submitting to God's will doesn't mean I'll be happy, pleased or satisfied but it means I will be fulfilled, content and totally used up. It means I am all in.

I imagine Jesus didn't get up one day and decide, 'Hmmm today would be a good day to be humiliated and die upon a cross'. I expect He didn't feel like going through that, much like some days I don't feel like praying, I don't feel like going to church, I don't feel like doing my work, I don't feel like putting up with my family, boss, stress, or even opening myself up to being humiliated. No I expect he didn't feel like it but quite the opposite, he willed it because he was 'all in'. It's not something you do halfhearted. It's not something that can be done half-heartedly.

The exaltation of the cross: It's not easy but it's simple

Today we celebrate the Cross. Yes!!!! Suffering! Woohoo! Yeah, not so much, but ...today's readings (can be found here) speak to me the following:

When we exalt something we can take one of two approaches. One way is passive where we allow our emotions and affections to take control like we do with football players, coaches and teams after fabulous plays. In this case the exaltation is simple. We are emotionally disposed to lift up in this case a coach or player. The other is active where one attaches high value and worth to something that may be difficult to attain. Thus it will take more than mere emotion or affection to achieve that goal. It doesn't de-value the worth of the item, in fact it makes it all the more precious. That's how I understand the exaltation of the cross. We exalt it not because we WANT the suffering but because it is the mode of transportation for our salvation. Through it we attain our salvation. It makes absolutely no sense to secular society and it's not easy but it sure is simple.

I struggle with willing to take on the cross. Oh, I have good intentions but I don't suppose many people get into heaven based on good intention. It takes the will and thus the cross, choosing the better part. It's not easy but it's simple. When I mess it all up (when not if), I have the sacrament of reconciliation. My husband always wonders why it takes me no less than an hour when I meet with my confessor (because he thinks I'm a saint - Ha! Love IS blind.) and truth be told more often than not it takes longer than that. We discuss all sorts of things and by the time I'm absolved I always get the impression that my confessor gets more out of my confession than I get grace and that is MORE than fair.