Do you love me?

I was pondering this question the post resurrection Jesus asks of Peter. Peter had denied Jesus 3 times. Sin always damages, even if done in private. It cries out for acceptance for forgiveness and for healing, just as when my daughter damages my favorite blouse. She cries out for forgiveness and I forgive her, but the damage blouse remains. Jesus offered Peter the chance to make up for his previous denials, to get healed in a very real way. So Peter exasperated responds, "Lord, you know that I love you.". 

I think Peter was exasperated not with Jesus, but with himself. Jesus had taught him that in order to truly find yourself, your life, you had to lose it for his sake. It cost Jesus his very life to redeem us. It will cost us nothing less. Peter learned that lesson. We have to be willing to lay it all down, just like Peter did. He knew his thrice profession of love had a healing effect. How do we know? Because this Peter was willing to lay it all down. We see a changed Peter from this point onwards, jail time, beatings, humiliation, this would be the path he would walk.

These moments of grace will find us too. Jesus will give us the opportunity to choose the better part. I pray we allow that to happen because healing, joy and peace will follow in it's wake.

Damn you Eric Clapton

I love Clapton music, his Yardbird days, Mayall days, Cream days, Winwood days, Derek and the Domino days and even his cocaine daze because it's part of who he is but damn him.

I put on a Clapton CD while winding down on Friday night and his Wonderful Tonight came on, not a bad song. I've always thought it a little hokey, a song written to help guys get laid. That's always been my opinion of it, but tonight it touched off a tearstorm.... because the fam is gone, because I'm in that part of my cycle that always warrants tears, because it reminded me of my husband, because I'm lonely...haven't felt lonely but who knows?

However in hindsight, I suppose it was perfect storm conditions, and I guess I should thank him for getting that over and done with quickly.

I can't even fathom...

We've been praying for a colleague who's son(11yrs old) has neuroblastoma. He went for surgery yesterday and it was intense, 12+ hrs in the OR. They removed lymph nodes in the childs neck, and a mass from the abdomen. His kidney was spared and they took biopsies as well. He's recovering as well as can be expected, but I can't even fathom what that little guy is going through. When you go through something like that I suppose you don't consider yourself brave. You just look at your next step, one step at a time. It reminds me of childbirth and labor. When you are in it, you have no choice. There is no you. There is only what must be done, and you ride it out allowing it to happen. There is no other way through except to endure and trust those around you. Truly, I have a great admiration for this childlike quality, and I can't help but think what a brave little man he is!